When was your official spiritual awakening?
I’ve always been spiritual as far back as I can remember. I’ve always had Wiccan/Pagan beliefs going back to when I was a little kid when I would wait outside for the bus to school & determining how my day would go based on the weather. If it rained, I expected to cry later throughout the day. If it was sunny, I would have no disturbances. It’s always been with me for as long as I can remember.
But, I hit a dead end when I turned 18 when I ended up in a relationship for 3 years with a nihilistic, pessimistic void of a person. I had lived in Queens with him from 2013-2016. I had lost touch with my spirituality. I would still have my premonitions, I would still see or hear spirits around me but having been around that type of person for a few years killed my spirituality.
When I moved back to Connecticut spring of 2016, I wasn’t myself. All I wanted to do was drink, smoke, & have meaningless relationships. All I did all day everyday was party from the time I woke up til I went to bed trying to fill an emptiness. Fast forward to a few months after I turned 21 & I went through a critical period in my life. I was cheated on by the man I loved & I had a friend from Colorado I ended up falling in love with. He brought me there early 2017 & I had decided to go back since I was so taken by the nature & energy there. It was nothing like I ever knew or felt anywhere where I lived. It was my spring break & I spent a week there.
Being in the mountains & being somewhere that’s a different world from where I grew up was not only life changing but was the beginning of my awakening. I remember walking down the streets of Aurora during a sunset walking west towards the mountains & I felt a comforting energy. Like someone was beside me telling me to have hope in my heart. The wind whispered words to me, the mountains were a beacon love & light. I got lost in my surroundings walking back. I wasn’t sure what was going on but I liked what was happening.
The next day was when it hit me like an 18-wheeler. Being 21 & stupid, who doesn’t buy enough alcohol to kill a horse on spring break? I hadn’t even taken the altitude that I wasn’t even used to yet into account. It was around mid afternoon & I started drinking while my boyfriend at the time was at work. Since his family was strictly catholic, I had to get a hotel. So I’m by myself in my hotel room & I had already drank a whole 40, 7 shots of vodka mixed with whisky, 3 beers & smoked half a joint with some people a few rooms down from me. I was having fun as if it was a regular day for me. My boyfriend was mad at me for drinking & smoking so much that he didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day which hurt. I went back to my hotel room when I started to not feel well. I begged my boyfriend to come get me but he ignored me. I had my favorite band playing on my laptop while I was doubled over in the bathroom feeling like I was going to officially die from alcohol poisoning. I threw up 7 times & passed out on the floor of my hotel room. I had a lucid dream while I was passed out & it felt so real. I remember every last detail to this day.
There were two Native American men leaning over me on the bathroom floor & they had glowing silver auras around them. They had sat me up on the wall & were telling me to drink some water. They kept repeatedly telling me “It is not your time” & “You have not accomplished anything close to what you need. Wake up”. They had picked me up & carried me & suddenly we were in a mountain valley. They carried me up a mountain peak into an old broken down house. When they set me in the house, the house began to magically fix itself. One of the men in my dream told me to take his hand & led me up stairs to a room with a giant window that over looks an entire mountain range with the sun shining through the valley. The grass was green & healthy, the mountains had snow, the air was so clean & fresh in my dream & the house was magically fixed. I remember I cried in my dream from the natural beauty.
The man looked at me & told me “You are a healer. When you came into this house, it was broken. When you looked out the window, the clouds went away & the sun is shining. You are more than a person. You are the spirit of the earth. You are our spirit.”
I woke up immediately after. It was 3 a.m & I felt completely better. Not hung over, not in pain. As if it never happened. I went outside to have a cigarette & went for a walk outside. When I went to bed & woke up the next day, life felt different. I like to believe the men in my dream were real spirits in Colorado not only helping me awaken spiritually, but also made sure I didn’t die in my sleep.
Due to the intensity of my spiritual awakening, I wanna move to Colorado because I believe part of my spirit lives there now because of that. I have those two spirits to thank.
What was your spiritual awakening?
Author: Jes of Silfren Circle